Job

I have been thinking a lot about Job lately - how he had a perfect life and lost it all, while remaining faithful to God.  He realized that God is ultimately in charge and knows what he is doing.  Job remained silent and stood in awe of God's sovereignty.  In the end, God restored Job's health, possessions, and family. 
Job first responds in complete anger, which is expected of us when going through trials... when talking about the day he was born, he says: "Curse that day for failing to shut my mother's womb, for letting me be born to see all this trouble." Job 3:10.  Within his friend's Eliphaz's response to him, he says " ... when trouble strikes, you lose heart.  You are terrified when it touches you.  Doesn't your reverence for God give you confidence?  Doesn't your life of integrity give you hope?" Job 4:5-6 In reading Job's responses, I have many similar feelings as he states, "My spirit is crushed, and my life is nearly snuffed out." (Job 17:1); "My days are over.  My hopes have disappeared.  My heart's desires are broken." (Job 17:11)  "But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last.  And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God!  I will see him for myself.  Yes, I will see him with my own eyes.  I am overwhelmed at the thought!" (Job 19:25-27)  "Submit to God, and you will have peace" (Job 22:21).  "And now my life seeps away.  Depression haunts my days.  At night my bones are filled with pain, which gnaws at me relentlessly.  With a strong hand, God grabs my shirt.  He grips me by the collar of my coat.  He has thrown me into the mud.  I'm nothing more than dust and ashes." (Job 30: 16-19)  "My heart is troubled and restless.  Days of suffering torment me.  I walk in gloom, without sunlight.  I stand in the public square and cry for help."  (Job 30:27-28)  Although Job had many more losses than I, I can relate to him - and the end of his story is beautiful, and I have hope that mine will be too.

At times, I feel guilty for having some sense of hope, or looking forward to my future.  How could I feel this way after losing the love of my life?  How could I feel this way after his life was ended so short?  Well, I am not denying my feelings and emotions, but I can live in spite of them and my situation ... I can't try to live based on happiness, because it only goes up and down like a roller coaster, but I can live in God's joy, that is a constant high.  (Pastor Rick 2/12/12)

And, of course, I have also been thinking about Joe a lot lately too. :-)

Here is today's picture...

August 2008, right around his 25th birthday.  Sitting at our spot in the Buffalo City Resort, probably after a day out in the sun.  There was so much love in our relationship, he really was my true love.  I always knew we were really in love and had a good thing, but I am now really realizing how absolutely 100% in love with each other we were.  I feel bad for the times I doubted his love for me... And yes, of course we had some minor disputes, but never anything epic.  I loved him with all of my heart, and I think I am safe to say he felt the same.  He had that deep love for our daughter too, even though she wasn't (isn't) yet born.