four weeks

In our relationship, because of Joe working 3rd and I 1st, timing was everything... Every moment counted - so much.  We valued and treasured every moment we had together, never taking one for granted.  Making coming home at 9:20 PM tonight very difficult for me... approaching our (my?) driveway, the tears began to flow... At this time of night, I should be able to come into the house and have about an hour with Joe before he leaves for work.  He would be sleeping, so I would snuggle up with him.. His alarm would go off at 9:45 as a warning, and then another alarm would go off at 10.  If he hadn't already, he would then roll over, put his arm around me, ask how 'his girls' were, and turn on the t.v. so he could wake up for a few minutes before getting ready for work.  He would get all ready, coat and hat included, then come in and give me a kiss or two before he left for work at 10:20.  I could hear the Jeep rev up in the driveway and then drive away... This actually, was our last face-to-face interaction, 4 weeks ago tomorrow.  Timing was so important that if I was doing something during the week, I would make sure I was back by 10 or I would wait until after he left for work and then do whatever it was I was going to do, so we could have our kiss goodbye.
Four weeks ago tonight, January 11, 2012, we had chicken breasts dipped in BBQ sauce and macaroni and cheese for supper and then went to the 4:15 showing of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  We had a large butter popcorn and a large cherry coke and were the only ones in the theater, a perfect final date (besides the fact that when we got out of the theater we saw that it had started to snow... here is a 'what if' I have - "What if it hadn't snowed?").  I am beyond any amount of time that we were apart while we were together... We were only ever apart for about a week at a time - and that was infrequent.  I really miss him, it is hard to get things done without him here, hard to make all the decisions on my own - thinking about what his opinion would be in each decision I make... I think I might even buy (register for) a diaper bag that doesn't scream female, just like he wanted... so he would feel comfortable carrying it around too.