empty

July 2010 | Buffalo City Resort

This picture isn't the best quality, but it shows how Joe really loved to spend summers.  He has his swimming trunks on from the fun during the day, and is now getting to share his voice with everyone throughout the night.  This particular weekend, his brother and family from Mankato were in town.  Earlier this day, he got to take them out on the river - he loved taking people out on the river and giving them a fun time.  He had his little niece sitting on his lap helping him drive the boat - that really brought sparkle in his eyes and a smile to his lips - something I know he hoped to do with our daughter.  He was planning on buying a new boat this spring and going out as a family this summer.  Well, there were a lot of things we were planning on, that I have been thinking about a lot lately... Like hanging the flat screen on the wall, for example - so we could actually play the record player instead of hoisting the tv off of it and setting it on the floor.  (that is just one small random thing that doesn't mean that much, but everything means a lot to me)  When I think about these things that we were planning on, like when I hung the infant life jacket that we bought in her closet, I get the emptiest feeling I have ever felt deep deep in my stomach - well, actually, I think it may be an empty feeling in my entire torso - like nothing is there.... like the deepest breath I take isn't going to fill, let alone reach, my lungs.
I have to take a few very deep breaths and ask God to please help me through this moment - and of course, he always does. 
I turn the following verse into a personalized prayer for myself:  "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10
P.S.  I could really use some sun!