close my eyes

Today Wesley and I are going to Buffalo City to spend some time with Joe's family, should be fun... First time I will be driving up that way since Joe's accident.  I hope I can resist the temptation to drive past the accident site.... It would only be torturous.  Then some of Joe's family is going to come and sleep over tonight! I'm looking forward to that.  People say they "miss Joe like no other" - he really touched a lot of lives in his 28 years, 4 months, and 2 weeks.  I certainly know that I was touched immensely, and miss him "like no other" too.  Yesterday when I watched Ellen and there was a sweet marriage proposal on, I bawled and cried for my Joe to come back to me.  I had a dream that I found Joe and held him and he woke up and survived.  What a tragedy, but yet, so many things to be thankful for.

Today's picture...

December 31, 2010 or January 1, 2011 - not exactly sure what time it was.  This is what we spent most Saturday nights and some Friday nights doing for the last 5 years (during the first 6 months of our relationship he HATED karaoke - if you can believe that).  I'm sure we were singing "Close My Eyes Forever" by Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne, it was "our song" - he always wanted to sing "our song" and first, so it could be a warm-up piece for both of us... Don't know the song?  I'd like to share with you some of the lyrics, because I wish that on Thursday, January 12, I could have closed my eyes forever and it would all remain the same, unchanged...

Baby I get so scared inside
And I don't really understand
Heaven is in the palm of my hand
And it's waiting here for you
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged?
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same?
And when we sleep, would you shelter me ...
If I could have just one more wish
I'd wipe the cobwebs from my eyes
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
You gotta close your eyes for me
I can hear him singing it to me, will all his might... If you want to hear the whole song, click here.

Last night at CR we talked about being ready for every change God wants to make in our lives - to voluntarily submit to them and humbly ask Him to remove our character defects.

Yowch - I wasn't ready for this change in my life.  I do have character defects I'd like him to remove and replace, such as pride, need for control, being critical, over-analyzing, worrying, and anxiety.  This word shouldn't be in my vocabulary right now, but I'm excited to see what these defects will be replaced with.

I will pray,

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.  May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing." Psalm 143:10

and I will work on the following...

"So think clearly and exercise self-control.  Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world."

1 Peter 1:13