MEA

So, here in Minnesota there are two days where the public K-12 schools are out and there is an education convention in Minneapolis/St. Paul.  As a teacher, I have always had these two days off, which looked like a great time for a minivacation (even though, as a teacher, I should have gone to the convention).  So, since Joe worked third shift, he would take Thursday night, and sometimes Sunday night, off, so we could go away.  MEA vacation spots for us included Wisconsin Dells, Prairie du Chein, and Virginia... We had 6 MEA weekends together, but I don't think we did anything during our first one - so that makes 5 but I can only remember 3 places... hmmm, I hope the other comes to me.  We had other minivacations but I'm having a hard time pinpointing which were which at this very moment.  I'll have to check my photos!  So, blessed by God, I have to work on the Friday of MEA - I will have a few hours with the preschoolers... and Thursday, DJoe and I are spending some time with Madi + I'm getting a massage.  Then on Saturday, my sister Peggy is getting married.... So, God has blessed me with having my first MEA without Joe being a weekend filled with doings.  Saturday is also my friend Brandi's bachelorette party, so I may end up there later ... Then Sunday is my birthday, so that might actually be a little hard, but I'm getting to see Megan, whom I haven't seen since January!  I'm super excited.  Her, Amy, and I are going to have breakfast before they head home.  Anyways, my anticipatory anxiety is always worse than the real thing.... But, it is a hard time of year for me because we always did something special, just the two of us on this long weekend.

Here are two photos from the MEA weekend we went to visit Megan in Virginia...

This past Sunday was the 2nd annual memorial ride for my dad... This picture is from the one last year... Oh, how I wish that is how we rode this year too... Instead, I drove my Compass with Andrea in the passenger seat and my mom and DJoe in the back.

holidays

holy spotted cows do i miss my dad and joe.
today we took our memorial cruise in memory of my dad - it was nice, but i sure wish we didn't have a reason to do it.
on the way, we saw a sign: "This field fertilized with swine manure." - i'm wondering - so? why do we care? ... so, if you know why, please let me know!
so the holidays are going to be here before we know it. i kind of dread them. i tear up just thinking about them right now. last thanksgiving was our first one without dad, we actually had it at our house! joe and i started a tradition of making cheesy hashbrown potatoes  -  that would be the dish we'd make for every thanksgiving! well, turns out we only had one. so the family is talking about what to do this year, and i wish that i had to confer with my husband... having to figure out who's house to go to and when can seem like chaos, but i wish i had to do that right now. ... and then christmas. last christmas we got gifts for the little sweet pea brewin' inside of me. this year we were going to start our own family traditions with our new little family. well, turns out i alone will be making those traditions with her now.
some would say - sweet! you get to make all of the decisions, you don't have to discuss with anyone.  well, if you know me - i hate making decisions. and now having to make all the decisions? my head spins a little more than normal. pretty soon there will be more decisions to make too, when djoe starts eating more than breastmilk, for one.
i always dreamed of being married and having at least one kid by my 30th birthday (10/21/12) - never did i think i'd be a widowed single mom.
here are two pictures i created today.

well, my computer has 13% brain power left and i'm in bed and the charger is in the living room.  if you made it this far, thanks for reading. God is great. Yes i miss my dad and joe and i'm sad, but God is good - have you seen the amazing little girl he gave me? and the amazing family we have surrounding us?

respect

we live in a world where so many people take each other for granted...
when i hear you say that you wish your husband was more ______ (ex: romantic), pretty sure i want to jump across the table and shake you, telling you to be happy that your husband is alive.  or when i hear you say you wish your dad was more _______ ... yeah, same thing.  not saying that i never said those things, but i regret it, and would do about anything to have them back .. regardless of those characteristics i wished they would have had.
take a step back, imagine getting a phone call, the worst phone call, then would you be complaining to others about how your husband isn't romantic? don't complain about your husband at all. it is so disrespectful and if he knew you were doing it, he would be hurt. that happened to me once. i inadvertently disrespected joe in front of others and he was hurt. imagine getting a text from someone very close to you saying they are in the bathroom at work crying because a song that reminded them of your husband came on the radio and they miss him so much they couldn't contain themselves. do you still wish he was more romantic? or are you glad you have him? the problem is we try to have expectations for people that only God truly can fulfill.
luckily, i have found God, and He is the Father to the fatherless and the Defender of widows.
so, even though my flesh wants to jump across the table and put you in your place, because i have God in my corner, i do not.
You don't realize that God is all you need until He is all you have.
the other day when i picked up my amazing daughter from daycare, i was thinking "I love life!" and then i realized - woah, what did i just say? how could that be? thanks be to God for all of the wonderful blessings despite the devastating trials.
enough ranting.
be happy for what you have.
i'm learning to live with less and love it.