roll a boulder

Proverbs 26:27

If you set a trap for others,
    you will get caught in it yourself.
If you roll a boulder down on others,
    it will crush you instead.

Has this ever happened to you?  You tried to "get someone" but then it turned on you, and was worse off for you than the other person?  I know it has happened to me - and look, God knew we were going to do that, so he guided the author of this proverb and included it in the Old Testament!

 July 4, 2011  |  Buffalo City Park

We had been married less than a month, celebrating our first 4th of  July as husband and wife at the Buffalo City festivities... we had even driven the '53 over!  Here we are with our friend Cyndi.  This picture was just re-given to me - I remember seeing it right away, but then I forgot about it.  To tell you all the truth, I think my shock is wearing off and I'm realizing what has happened and how my life is now (I have lots of pictures of Joe and I up, and I get super happy thinking about how happy we are, then I realize he is gone, and I get super sad... or maybe I am just super happy because we were so happy?  or maybe my mind was making my heart think he would be coming back?) - or maybe it is just the pregnancy hormones making things worse - or maybe the one year anniversary of my dad's death - who knows, but it is getting harder to get out of sadness.  - or maybe that is because I'm not allowing God to fill me up as much as I was the first while - I think that is probably it, I was more intent right away - but now I have a "slow leak in my tire" as Pastor Rick would say.  I am still in the Word and praying daily, but not throughout the day as I used to.  but, maybe my mind is realizing that this is the way life is now, and i'm having a hard time being happy.    But, just because I am a Christian and living for God doesn't mean I'm never going to be sad or have hard times... i think i need to just accept that i'm going to be sad - my husband died tragically 2 months and 13 days ago, and my dad died tragically 1 year and 5 days ago - but at the same time, i know that i have a lot to be thankful for, and i am looking forward to the birth of our child and the new life that that will give me...  as you can see, my thoughts and emotions are jumping all over the place - i think combining grief and pregnancy will do that to a person... i'm not losing faith or hope, i know God has promised me great things to come, and that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are with me always, but instead of making it a daily process, I need to go back to a multiple-times-a-day process.  comprende?