pedicures

another rough day.
earlier on my journey when i would see couples being sweet to each other i was able to smile because i did have that, and knew what it felt like.
now it seems i am seeing more and more young couples with little babies - or even worse, just a man and his daughter. 
the pregnancy hormones don't let me hold my tears back anymore at all.
i need him.
i need him to hold me.
i need him to laugh with.
i need him to stabilize my emotions.
i need him to bounce ideas off of.
i need him to snuggle with.
i need him to rub my back.
i need him to help me control my eating.
i need him to vent to.
i need him to be happy about our baby with.
i need him to kiss my forehead.
heck, i even need him to wipe boogers on my face (gross, right? but i miss every little thing.)
i just plain need him.
even with all of these extremely needy feelings that i have, God's healing power is working in me, and i do believe that it will be alright.  as much as i want to sometimes, i will not give up.  Hope is the force that keeps me steady during my trials.  I can never stop hoping - if I do, I know I will have a miserable life.  In fact, of course there have been times when I have lost hope - and I indeed do feel miserable.  I need to expect miracles and expect a good life.
Hebrews 6:18-19
So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.
this is an early picture of us, he painted my toe nails a few times - now i have to get pedicures.

how about some sweet pea facts?  38th week facts from my week-by-week pregnancy guide:  she is so big that her elbows and knees have to be constantly flexed or folded... her lungs are most likely fully mature... her umbilical cord is between 12 and 39 inches... my favorite passage from this week's info:  "you may be increasingly reluctant to leave the house . . . you may also long to stay near familiar things . . . there's nothing wrong with staying home."  sweet - that's all i want to do is stay home.  now i can say that experts say there is nothing wrong with it!!