9 days old

COURAGE FROM JESUS

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Today I will walk in the power of the living Lord and not in my own strength or courage.
Lord, help me realize that You are my sufficiency. Without You, I can do nothing.

Well hello there, it has been one week since I have written... It has been the most miraculous week of my life! Some of you are wondering how labor and delivery went, so I will tell you that it was not what I was planning, but I knew that I had to be flexible in 'planning,' especially since the end result was the same, getting to meet my Sweet Pea! On Monday, May 14th I had a doctor appointment, and they were concerned with my blood pressure being high, so they did a blood test, which came back normal... Fast forward to Thursday, May 17th I had another appointment at 3:00, blood pressure still high... The end result of this appointment? "Come back at 6:00 and we will get this started!" So, I was admitted around 6, and was given a pill vaginally to begin to 'ripen' my cervix, since I hadn't made any progress... My midwife came back in a few hours to give me an additional dose, but I was starting to have [very small] contractions, so she couldn't. It was decided to start me on pitocin in the morning around 8:00. My doula came around that time too. The contractions started shortly after, and the pain got progressively worse. Around 1:00, they broke my water... That was interesting, I always thought when your 'water broke' it was just one big gush - nope, every time you move after that, a little more comes out! My mom, sister Cindy, and doula used many different techniques to distract and comfort me. By about 4:30, nothing could comfort or distract me anymore, so I asked for an epidural. This was a scary few moments, I had to sit completely still - at one point I got a little dizzy and moved slightly, and the anesthesiologist said, "don't move, don't move, don't move!" so that was scary! The epidural didn't take long to kick in, and I was able to relax - even doze off a bit. It wasn't as freaky as I thought it was going to be - I was nervous to 'not be able to feel my legs' - but I could feel my legs, it was just that they were super heavy and I couldn't really move them on my own. Fast forward now to 9:30 - "You are starting to have a contraction - push!" That's right, I couldn't feel a thing - wonderful! For the next hour and 53 minutes, I was told when I was contracting and when to push. The only time I could feel something was when Sweet Pea was just about to come out - lots of pressure (and before that moment I could never tell the difference between pain and pressure - but now I can) as she took up space that wasn't used to being taken up. She came out, Ron & Joette came in, Ron cut the cord, and she was checked over thoroughly because she had pooped before she was born, which can cause some problems... but all was well! We left the hospital around 2:00 on Sunday!

So now she is [almost] 9 days old - We are learning how to work with each other, getting nursing figured out, and napping at the same time. Today I got a book from a friend at church about the original feed-wake-sleep cycle - I'm excited to dive into it and make sure I'm doing the best I can at nurturing my newborn. We have this amazing bond and I have a hard time putting her down - she is such a sweet snuggler!

Her name is extremely special - a combination of many different important people.
Dakota - this is a name that Joe and I discussed before we new she was a girl - he loved it. If you knew Joe at all, you know why he loved this name...
Joe - obviously, her daddy's name - And I know that usually, a girl is Jo, but I wanted to give her Joe for more meaning.
Gerilaine = Gerry + Elaine - Gerry was my dad's name. Elaine is my mom's middle name and was also his Grandma Gillett's middle name.
Before January 13th, her name was going to be Geri Elaine - but after losing Joe, I had to make some changes...

Today we spent the afternoon at Joe's parents house, visiting with them, and Joe's brother Kevin, sister-in-law Cari, and nieces Katie & Maddie. It was a very nice afternoon, was great to spend time with them - if only I could get there via a route that didn't go past the accident site and the many places that Joe and I spent time together since 2006... This was a tough weekend too, because it is the kick-off weekend for the summer river season. The boat landing parking lot was packed - I wonder, if he were still here, what we would have done this weekend... On the way to Buffalo City today, I was barely into Wisconsin and I felt like turning back. I was exhausted and not looking forward to the drive - and then I remembered who is always at my side waiting for me to call out to Him. I started praying and just talking to God. Soon, I felt much better. I regained the energy I needed for the afternoon, and cried the tears I needed to cry instead of holding them in. I am so thankful for the amazing strength and hope that I get from God. My trials have been extreme, I now have the best gift I could have ever been given, and I know that God has more blessings promised for both my future and my daughter's future.

I shared this picture early on in the blog, but I just love it so much I had to share it again. He was so handsome... We had such an amazing love. I wear this adidas zip up all the time, and have the 'impossible' adidas muscle shirt in the dresser. He was an amazing man, and I miss him like, well, it is indescribable.........

Here is our baby, getting ready to head home from the hospital. As her sleeper says, she is truly 50% mom + 50% dad - overall, she looks just like he did as a baby, but she has some of my features too.