my story updated

my first entry was actually written as a note on Facebook on 12/20/2011 - I wanted to use that as my first entry to begin my story.

I will now fill you in with what has happened since then...

We made it through the first Christmas without my dad, and in fact, first really felt our daughter in my tummy on Christmas Eve.  Joe bought me the exact bracelet I wanted for Christmas, and even had it engraved, "Forever My Love", and I got him the impact driver he wanted - As always, he stuffed my stocking with practical, necessary, thoughtful things - superb job.

We rang in the New Year celebrating my sister's marriage.  It was a perfect evening.  We began the new year working on finances together, talking out how we wanted to have our money, separate or together, and working on meal planning so we could have focused grocery shopping.  I also began a new bible study, working on being a Proverbs 31 woman, the woman God wants me to be - which would also turn me in to the wife Joe needed me to be.

On Thursday, January 12, we finally got the snow Joe had been waiting for... Joe asked me if I would be mad if he went snowmobiling after he got off of work that evening (he worked 3rd shift, so this would be at 7 am on Friday).  Of course I wouldn't be mad, and in fact, it was better he go on Friday because we had plans for my sister's birthday on Saturday, so that wouldn't work.

Friday morning, we had our usual sweet morning conversation when he called me after he got off of work and I was on my way to work.  He was stopping at home, going to deposit/cash his pay check, and then head off to go snowmobiling.  That would be our last conversation.  At 3:25 that day, as I was putting my coat on to leave work, my cousin called me telling me she heard Joe was in a snowmobile accident... At this point I didn't know how bad it was.  Finally getting a hold of people that were at the scene, they were discussing flying him to a bigger hospital, which is in the town where I work (an hour and a half from the accident scene).  So, I waited around after work until I heard back... This was extremely difficult. I wanted to head home, and hour trip to the hospital they were going to first take him to, but I didn't want to be on my way and have someone call me and tell me they were flying him to the bigger hospital and then have to turn around.  My sister that works just a few blocks from the hospital went to the hospital to meet the ambulance and to let me know where they were transporting him to.  At 4:35 she called, and said the doctor wanted to talk to me........ I knew what this meant.  In the blink of an eye, I lost the love of my life, my lovebird, the father to our unborn child.

Now for the treacherous drive home to go to the hospital.  Luckily, I have another sister that lives in the town I work in, so she was able to meet with me and wait with me through all of this - she then drove me back home, to the hospital.  My mom, 3 sisters, 2 brothers-in-law, niece, Joe's parents, and the two pastors from my church were there with me... I was able to see Joe's body and spend some time with him.  I had a nurse take his wedding ring off so I could immediately have that.  I also had her take his earrings out, which I am now wearing.

The next week is a blur, I stayed (and am still) at my mom's house, and my sisters, nieces, and nephew have been here a lot supporting me.  Joe's family has also been here, being extremely supportive and helpful to me even though they too are suffering.  The funeral home was amazing to work with, probably mostly because we worked with them a short 10 months ago for my dad's services.  The visitations were overwhelming, so many people, so much support.  The funeral service was amazing.  I was even able to get up and say a few words.  The week before when Joe and I were out singing karaoke and having a blast as always, he told me that I was his pillar, that I helped him so much in life.  I want to continue this, and that is why I wanted to honor him by saying some final words to his friends, letting them know how much they meant to him and how much he valued each and every moment with them.  We laid Joe to rest just a few plots away from my dad, such a blessing for me.  They were so close, and now they rest close, and I pray they are together in Heaven.

The day after the funeral both of our families came together at our house to open the many cards we received.  The amount of contributions is a very strong blessing.  I was also blessed to find out that Joe's work has an automatic life insurance benefit and that he had opted in for an extra benefit, on top of this, another blessing came about - Joe was a member of the local snowmobile club, which gives another life insurance benefit.  All blessings that Joe left for Sweet Pea and I.  The other huge blessing that he has for us is our house.  We bought a foreclosed house in June and boy, did he do an amazing job fixing it up for us.

So, now the people, meals, and cards are tapering off, but my Joe is still not here.  I think I'm still in shock, feeling perhaps I am on vacation or he is, and we will meet up again soon.  This is not totally false, as this Earth is not our home.  Our life on Earth is just a snippet of our eternity with Christ.  The trials we go through in life are our reminders of this.  I had the most amazing 5 1/2 years with Joe, and now have the blessing of raising our child.  I miss him tremendously, am very sad, and at times feel I cannot go on, but I know that I can, because I am a child of God and he will carry me through, and never let me go.