desktop

so my desktop background has been this since i got this computer (a few months):

today, i just changed it to this:

I could stare at this picture and cry all day... is that healthy or not?  I'm thinking - should I really subject myself to that, getting sad each time I turn my computer on?  I love looking at his handsome face, but is it just too much to put myself through?  Maybe I should wait until a time that I can look at it and just smile, instead of cry?  Will that ever happen?  Or maybe seeing his face each time I turn my computer on will help me heal?  Or will it make me think, again, that he is just on a long vacation?  A military family I know from high school just got reunited after 7 months... I know how she felt with not seeing her husband for 7 months, and I sure wish that I could see mine.  Growing up without her daddy is going to be hard for DakotaJoe, just like it has been and will be hard for me without my dad - and there will be tough times, but I will pray to my loving Father to guard our hearts and surround us by others that will lift us up.  I hope I can do a good job at letting her know how much her daddy loved her and wanted her - I feel like that is the hardest job one could ever have.  There will be so many questions...  She has a super grandpa and many uncles and cousins that will be great male role models in her life, but I can't help but be sad for both of them... that she never got to meet her daddy who loved her so much while she was just a sweet pea in my womb and he never got to meet the daughter he was so excited for and loved so much.  I have made some progress in my healing and recovery, I still miss him so much, but I'm not as lonely as I was, or longing for companionship.  When I see the date - August 23, 2012 - it has been over 7 months since I saw him, a longer period of time than we were actually married.. I can't believe it has been this long.  I still miss him just as much as I did in the first month.  I dreamt about him again last night, it was a great dream - I just wish it would have been real.

Psalm 68:5 says, God is a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows.

Here is our little beauty, 3 months old! 

P.S.
Yesterday involved two up-her-back poops - one which even got on my shirt, pants, and the floor of the bathroom I was changing her in!