my bodyguard

Sweet Pea and I had a pretty good day today- started with a vendor/craft fair with Grandma Edith, where I found a cute owl pillow for her room.  Then we stopped to see Wes and Madi for a bit, and then went to McDonald's for a Shamrock Shake.  When I got home, I got a lot of stuff done around the house, some organizing - I'm actually kind of excited about the laundry room.  Mom walked over later, Peg and the kids stopped over, and then Andrea came and her and I went out for supper at Golden China.  Now SP and I are home, and life gets tough at this point.  When we are tired it increases are sadness.  Doing things around the house today was ok, I can handle that, but now it is Saturday night - I am supposed to be laying on the couch or decorating the baby's room with my husband (well, according to my plan, but I did not write my book)... I know I have told you this before, but I miss him so much! I also went to Paperbacks and Pieces today and while I was perusing the shelves, there was a family in there - mom, dad, and a couple kids... At first, when the dad said something to the daughter about 'mom', I got sad - but then I remembered how wonderful I had it.  Don't be sad for me that it isn't wonderful anymore, be happy for me that it was wonderful.  Many people are in crappy relationships with kids, and yes there is both a mom and a dad, but there aren't real relationships, and love... We did have that, and as much as I wish it was still going on, I can at least be thankful that I got to experience it.

Today's picture:

My Stud Muffin

This picture is from October 2010, in the quonset celebrating Bob's 40th birthday with a surprise party.  He was getting used to, and I think at times even enjoying, being "bamboozled by the Bagniewskis" as Bob would say.  My family is uber close and we do everything together, and he had no problem being there by my side with my dad, sisters, nieces, nephew, and other family members.  He actually became very close friends with some of my cousins.  He was also close to my girlfriends, which is not something every girl can say about her husband.  He enjoyed hanging out with my friends.  He wanted to have another get-together in our garage before Sweet Pea arrived... He was really changing his priorities and was so proud of where his (our) life was headed... I still can't believe I'm writing this - really? he is gone?! no way.

Yesterday's reading in Jesus Calling included the following: "Ask Me to open your eyes, so you can find all I have prepared for you in this precious day of Life."  It is easy to close me eyes, both figuratively and literally, and not believe, accept, or want to go on... I need to remember that God is with me, protecting me from falling into despair.  Today's reading in Jesus Calling states, "I am with You.  These four words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair.  Because you are human, you will always have ups and downs in your life experience.  But the promise of My Presence limits how far down you can go.  Sometimes you may feel as if you are in a free fall, when people or things you had counted on let you down.  yet as soon as you remember that I am with you, your perspective changes radically.  Instead of bemoaning your circumstances, you can look to Me for help.  You recall that not only am I with you, I am holding you by your right hand.  I guide you with My counsel, and afterward I will take you into Glory.  This is exactly the perspective you need: the reassurance of My Presence, and the glorious hope of heaven.

"In a free fall" is a good description of how I feel at times - I get really overwhelmed, tired, and sad, feeling like I am in a bottomless pit, going down, down, down.  Realizing he is not coming back.

Psalm 73: 26 "My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."

Zephaniah 3:17 "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness.  With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

Sweet Pea fact of the day:  She is sleeping and waking at regular intervals!