up the back!

DJoe has spent time in her crib three times now - it is hard for me to put her in there - i can't imagine what it will be like when she starts school!  Friday night she spent her first chunk of the night in there, yesterday morning she took her nap in there.  For the first time, I laid her down 'awake but drowsy' and let her cry for about 5 minutes on and off to expel her extra energy and fall asleep.  This is going to help her learn to sooth herself to sleep instead of needing to be held, rocked, etc. to fall asleep.  I'm super excited, and I hope we can keep it up.  Last night she slept in there all night - she slept 10:30ish to 3:30ish and then 4:30ish to 7:30ish!  she got the love of sleep that both Joe had and I have.

We went to the "All About Baby" class/meeting that the Women's Health department at the clinic offers yesterday.  I've been wanting to go for a while now, but it just never worked - yesterday I just made it work.  The most exciting thing was seeing how much she weighs now - 10lbs 2oz!

Thursday we have our first play date!  This one will probably be more for me than her, but I'm sure we will both have fun.

Monday, she had her first explosive poop.  She stopped eating, but was still sitting in my lap.  I could tell that the noises coming out of her were not dry... and they kept coming out, while I continued to get more scared to open her up.  I knew this was a job for the changing table (often I will just change her in the living room).  After much hesitation, I carefully opened her up and, sure enough, it had squeezed out the back of her diaper and went up her back.  Luckily, I had enough dirties to throw her sleeper in the wash right away - yuck!  Joe for sure would have had to change that one if he is here with us.

I definitely miss my best friend a ton.  Little things, like sitting on the couch with Dakota and wanting the book that is on the other side of the room.  We are so comfortable I don't want to move - Or last night, when she was not wanting to go to sleep but I needed sleep so bad - Or when she smiles and coos - Or when I'm pumping and she doesn't want to let me - Or heck, when I want (need) to shower (or just go to the bathroom).  [Not to mention all the times I want him for me.]  All of these tasks will get increasingly difficult when she becomes mobile. - but me and my girl will work it all out together - we know that God works all things together for good for those that love Him.

Some of you may still be wondering about God - why I talk about Him so much and live to follow Him.  I'm getting strength from somewhere, and it is definitely not from my own being.  Sometimes I do feel like I'm going crazy, but God quickly reminds me why I am not...

I get a lot of my STRENGTH FROM THE BIBLE - knowing God's Word including stories of people just like me and the trials followed by blessings that they went through...
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

From practice, I know that GOD ANSWERS PRAYER - there have been big things in life that I have prayed for and He has answered (healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby) - as well as little things like keeping crazy, disturbing dreams away from my sleep (and even just helping me calm down and fall asleep at times).
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7

Pictures to come, but for now I have to just post this - I already had to edit/update it once after it sat for over a day before being finished and posted... life is busy!

eyelashes!

sweet pea has had a very eventful first month of life!

This week included...

 her first time watching Wes & Madi's swimming lessons:

her first Steamboat Days kiddie parade:

her first wedding: 

i love my new outfit and can't wait to dance the night away!



having some love time with mommy

her first Steamboat Days parade:

her first game of rock paper scissors:

It also included her first Father's Day without her daddy.  We were going to drive his Jeep today, but it is dead :-(  We spent some time out at his grave and grandpa's grave... I miss them both so very much, and keep thinking about how proud they would be of our little sweet pea.

My number one job right now is parenting.  And for me, it is the role of both mother and father - perhaps the hardest job there is?  In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12, the Apostle Paul describes three characteristics of a Christian father:  "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."  Fathers are to be encouraging, comforting, and exhorting.  Now, I am not her father, and this of course doesn't only apply to fathers, but I am going to pray that I apply this to our lives.  When DakotaJoe is tempted to give up, I will encourage her to keep going.  When DakotaJoe is carrying a burden, I will give her comfort that helps her carry the burden, grief, or pain - aiming to lighten and lessen her burden.  There will also be tough times when I will need to move from DakotaJoe's side to stand squarely in front of her and confront her with something she needs to face.



Last year at this very moment, June 17 2011, we were in Black River Falls preparing for our wedding.  I was in a room with the girls and Joe was with his family - he tried so hard to see me that night, but no one would let him... we wanted that moment when i began walking down the aisle the next day to be very precious - and that it was.  Wes and Madi are going to come over tomorrow to help me eat our wedding cake - since we saved it to eat together on our first anniversary.

Forever My Love

kisses

Wow, what a wonderful baby God has given me.
Friday she came with Grandma and I to Rochester - we went to the John Marshall HS graduation rehearsal, the galleria to meet Auntie Steph for lunch, and the mall.  Yesterday, we were back in Rochester - this time Auntie Cindy came along.  We had a graduation party for two of my students, she got some new flip flops at TJMaxx, and we went to the JM graduation.  She is such a good traveler and is very patient!  Today, we went to first service for church, and she was awake the entire time!  She laid on my lap and just looked around, enjoying being awake.  She is sitting here awake right now too, here she is ...

She loves the nature sounds and vibration of the chair.  After a busy couple of days, we spent today relaxing.  After church we did a lot of snuggling and napping!  Nursing is going well, and she had her first bottle yesterday.  I have done some pumping, so last night during graduation Cindy was able to give her a bottle.  Nights have been going well too, She is only waking up once, maybe twice, in the night.  She can put herself to sleep too.  Not always, but there have been a couple of times when she is laid down awake but sleepy and will fall asleep on her own.  She definitely does love being rocked, snuggled, or sang to sleep - she loves her forehead being rubbed too.

who do you think she looks like?

Many people, even those that only met Joe once, or only saw pictures of him, say that she truly resembles him.  That excites me, and I am even more excited to see the resemblance grow.  One night she really reminded me of him.  She was going to sleep for the night, but was having a hard time falling asleep.  She was whimpering a bit, so I laid her on my chest.  She fell right to sleep.  This reminded me of him because we always had to be as close to each other as possible.  When we were sleeping we would always have to be super close to each other to be truly comfortable and fall asleep.

There are many things that bring up fear in me - daily things and things to come in the future.  When this fear comes in me, I call on my amazing God.  The fear and anxiety comes upon me, but if I call on God and ask Him to help me through and to take it away, it does not build up or fester inside of me.  He calms my heart, mind, and body.

LIVING TO PLEASE GOD – WITHOUT FEAR
For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

poop!

well, after a week with no poop, she finally pooped!! yippee, i've never been happier.  the last time she pooped was last saturday morning, and all week she had been eating well, really gassy, and not seeming uncomfortable, but no poop - what a mystery!  she finally pooped yesterday, what a relief!  and then, she pooped again today!

nursing is going well so far, and i have pumped a couple times too!  she is going to get her first bottle on saturday when i'm handing out diplomas at graduation and she is with auntie cindy.

today she got to meet her great grandma mary and her great uncle peter! we had lunch with them, grandma, nana, and bimpa - it was her first restaurant experience and she liked it, but let us know when it was time to go. :)

yesterday when we were at the store looking at cards, i picked up a "first" father's day card and wished i had to pick one out. i wish i could give my dad one too.  i plan to take djoe for a ride in the cherokee and tell her stories about her daddy and grandpa on father's day.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

(Proverbs 22:6)

Pleasant words promote instruction.

(Proverbs 16:21)

i miss laughing with him.

if you have seen me lately, you may have noticed me not wearing my wedding ring - it is a little snug at the moment!  i am always so hot, and i don't want it to get stuck.

soon, she and i will laugh together.  for now, we stare at each other. 

i am in love again.

9 days old

COURAGE FROM JESUS

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Today I will walk in the power of the living Lord and not in my own strength or courage.
Lord, help me realize that You are my sufficiency. Without You, I can do nothing.

Well hello there, it has been one week since I have written... It has been the most miraculous week of my life! Some of you are wondering how labor and delivery went, so I will tell you that it was not what I was planning, but I knew that I had to be flexible in 'planning,' especially since the end result was the same, getting to meet my Sweet Pea! On Monday, May 14th I had a doctor appointment, and they were concerned with my blood pressure being high, so they did a blood test, which came back normal... Fast forward to Thursday, May 17th I had another appointment at 3:00, blood pressure still high... The end result of this appointment? "Come back at 6:00 and we will get this started!" So, I was admitted around 6, and was given a pill vaginally to begin to 'ripen' my cervix, since I hadn't made any progress... My midwife came back in a few hours to give me an additional dose, but I was starting to have [very small] contractions, so she couldn't. It was decided to start me on pitocin in the morning around 8:00. My doula came around that time too. The contractions started shortly after, and the pain got progressively worse. Around 1:00, they broke my water... That was interesting, I always thought when your 'water broke' it was just one big gush - nope, every time you move after that, a little more comes out! My mom, sister Cindy, and doula used many different techniques to distract and comfort me. By about 4:30, nothing could comfort or distract me anymore, so I asked for an epidural. This was a scary few moments, I had to sit completely still - at one point I got a little dizzy and moved slightly, and the anesthesiologist said, "don't move, don't move, don't move!" so that was scary! The epidural didn't take long to kick in, and I was able to relax - even doze off a bit. It wasn't as freaky as I thought it was going to be - I was nervous to 'not be able to feel my legs' - but I could feel my legs, it was just that they were super heavy and I couldn't really move them on my own. Fast forward now to 9:30 - "You are starting to have a contraction - push!" That's right, I couldn't feel a thing - wonderful! For the next hour and 53 minutes, I was told when I was contracting and when to push. The only time I could feel something was when Sweet Pea was just about to come out - lots of pressure (and before that moment I could never tell the difference between pain and pressure - but now I can) as she took up space that wasn't used to being taken up. She came out, Ron & Joette came in, Ron cut the cord, and she was checked over thoroughly because she had pooped before she was born, which can cause some problems... but all was well! We left the hospital around 2:00 on Sunday!

So now she is [almost] 9 days old - We are learning how to work with each other, getting nursing figured out, and napping at the same time. Today I got a book from a friend at church about the original feed-wake-sleep cycle - I'm excited to dive into it and make sure I'm doing the best I can at nurturing my newborn. We have this amazing bond and I have a hard time putting her down - she is such a sweet snuggler!

Her name is extremely special - a combination of many different important people.
Dakota - this is a name that Joe and I discussed before we new she was a girl - he loved it. If you knew Joe at all, you know why he loved this name...
Joe - obviously, her daddy's name - And I know that usually, a girl is Jo, but I wanted to give her Joe for more meaning.
Gerilaine = Gerry + Elaine - Gerry was my dad's name. Elaine is my mom's middle name and was also his Grandma Gillett's middle name.
Before January 13th, her name was going to be Geri Elaine - but after losing Joe, I had to make some changes...

Today we spent the afternoon at Joe's parents house, visiting with them, and Joe's brother Kevin, sister-in-law Cari, and nieces Katie & Maddie. It was a very nice afternoon, was great to spend time with them - if only I could get there via a route that didn't go past the accident site and the many places that Joe and I spent time together since 2006... This was a tough weekend too, because it is the kick-off weekend for the summer river season. The boat landing parking lot was packed - I wonder, if he were still here, what we would have done this weekend... On the way to Buffalo City today, I was barely into Wisconsin and I felt like turning back. I was exhausted and not looking forward to the drive - and then I remembered who is always at my side waiting for me to call out to Him. I started praying and just talking to God. Soon, I felt much better. I regained the energy I needed for the afternoon, and cried the tears I needed to cry instead of holding them in. I am so thankful for the amazing strength and hope that I get from God. My trials have been extreme, I now have the best gift I could have ever been given, and I know that God has more blessings promised for both my future and my daughter's future.

I shared this picture early on in the blog, but I just love it so much I had to share it again. He was so handsome... We had such an amazing love. I wear this adidas zip up all the time, and have the 'impossible' adidas muscle shirt in the dresser. He was an amazing man, and I miss him like, well, it is indescribable.........

Here is our baby, getting ready to head home from the hospital. As her sleeper says, she is truly 50% mom + 50% dad - overall, she looks just like he did as a baby, but she has some of my features too.

love

 Our first self portrait.

Look at all that hair!!

5/18/12 11:23 pm

a new chapter has begun.

it has been an emotional ride since thursday at 3, but i now have our daughter with me on this side of the womb. :)

DakotaJoe Gerilaine weighs 9 lbs 1 oz and is 20 inches long and we are both healthy and tired!

Pictures to come soon!

<3